All highly subjective, but it’s my blog and I don’t care what you damn hippies think.
h3. Java and C#
They’re established, with big crowds. with lots of internationally well known teams. Java, feeling more European, is Football – C#, Basketball..
h3. Smalltalk
A language beloved by it’s fans which “turns on itself”:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004-05_NHL_lockout and ultimately ruins much of its promise, resulting in droves of potential fans deserting it. Smalltalk is Ice Hockey – or perhaps baseball…
h3. Lisp
A slightly odd but very old language which fragmented into lots of things that look the same, only aren’t – Lisp is Rugby, and maybe even Aussie rules football too…
h3. Ruby
A relative newcomer which of late has experienced much hyperbole and some unbearable fans who probably shout “woo – yeah!” a lot and have giant foam fingers. Ruby is American football. There are some who maintain that it’s actually kite surfing, as it’s trendy but ultimately will never get anywhere – I couldn’t possibly comment, but it’ll likely have it’s own extreme language TV channel before long.
h3. Python
The python community seems to be slightly beardy, consist mostly of people sitting around and being polite, just Getting On With Stuff without worrying about all the loud noises going on outside. Doing something excellent in python will tend to result in gentle applause rather than a ticker tape parade. Always having more fans than you think, but you wouldn’t know it as they’re so quiet, Python is cricket.
magpiebrain 
15 Responses to “If languages were sports…”
So what is Perl then? Maybe Sumo wrestling – not pretty to look at and sometimes confusing to outsiders?
I’m not sure – I was going to liken it to the Japanese game show endurance – you know the one where contestants have to do stuff like eat live maggots whilst being chased by a bull on fire?
Then I thought that summed up C pretty well too…
Presumably, Haskell is something like Real Tennis.
Hmm…good point. But then what does that make prolog?
Prolog is curling, I think – nonsensical to those who don’t already do it. And a bit daft to look at, too.
And let’s not forget about PHP and Javascript!
PHP – mabye handball? One of those things you dabbled in as a kid and then grew up…
Javascript, well too many things come to mind.
PHP is rounders, because even though you think it’s a kid’s game, it’s still not a bad game as long as you don’t take it super-seriously.
Javascript is Calvinball.
Visual Basic 6 is Monster Truck Racing. It looks like a programming language, but really it’s a heavily marketed, lowest-common-denominator crowd pleaser.
Visual Basic .NET is NASCAR racing. It’s marketed at the same crowd as Monster Truck Racing, but at least it’s a real sport.
So that leaves C++ which has too be snooker.
Far too difficult for your average player and painful to look at unless you’re witnessing a real pro.
If PHP is rounders, does that mean that Smalltalk, being baseball, is PHP for fat blokes in pyjamas?
Well, now you mention it…
To be honest, I think you’re wrong on Ruby. I think it might be snowboarding – slightly cool, best done in small groups or on your own, has an “extreme” side to it that doesn’t necessarily represent the totality of the sport, still room for the giant foom fingers. Maybe?
Yeah, but I’ve not met an annoying snowboarder ;-P
Assembler is Go. You know, ancient, fundamental, simple set of instructions that are fiendishly difficult to master.
Ah – but you can’t make a good grand prix game using only black and white counters…